Sunday, March 2, 2008

Fundus Chop!

There are smart people in the world. And then there are the ones that you wonder how the ef they got into nursing school. My clinical group is filled with both of these types of people. Let me expand on the craziness.

Actually, before you go any further, you should go read the FYI section, because this is another type of experience that could very well be the name of this blog. Nursing School Insanity: Fundus Chop! But back to the story...Let's call this particular clinical student Hi-Yaa! Hi-Yaa! happens to be a socially impaired, creepy, is-he-or-is-he-not-a-molester kind of person. So imagine the awkwardness when he gets to perform his first postpartum exam. He walks into the room, and without removing her gown to actually assess her, goes "how's your breasts?" I can only imagine the response.

Next, he proceeds to "assess" her perineum without looking for himself (and I'm astonished he even knew what it was), and ask "how's your bleeding?" Come on! If there is one thing nursing school drills into your head, it's to assess, assess, assess. If there's one thing he never does correctly, it's assessment.

But here's the best part. When it comes to her fundal assessment, he places a hand directly over her Csection incision, pushes in, and proceeds to jab her in the abdomen to feel for her fundus. Like a judo chop! I had no idea Bruce Lee was in our clinical! This poor woman was not happy, that's for sure.

This is also the same student who blamed a nurse for losing discharge plans and the baby's first footprint page when he stuck them in his binder and forgot about them. Major no-no's: never take chart pages out of a chart purely because you want to carry them around without purpose. EVER. And never, ever, ever blame a nurse who knows a hell of a lot more than you do when you mess up. Everyone knows you're wrong, and everyone thinks you're an ass.

We've also got a fellow clinical student who is bona fide insane. When I went to play with the Bili check machine, just to see how it works, she places her hands over the newborn and goes "This is MY baby!" And went to prevent us from using "her" baby. She's insane.

There is plenty more, but I've just finished a 24 hour maternity weekend, and I'm pooped. Those of you who read this blog and were also present, feel free to comment on the insanity.

1 comment:

artillerywifecq said...

I think he was doing a Bloombergs test looking for appendicitis! I don't think he knows the difference! HA HA HA HA

And as for "its my baby" she is just plain wacko, thats all there is to say.