Flatus!

Any bowel and flatus regularity you may have had in your life is promptly lost as your soul is destroyed by nursing school. This is a fact; it's unavoidable and you should just accept it and move on.

I used to keep my bowel habits rather private. Nursing school, however, has obliterated any sense of shame or dignity I may have possessed. I now announce to the world that my gastrointestinal tract is ready to speak. In fact, a friend and I often joke about our bowel habits in plain sight of others, albeit in code terms. The necessity of a "BM and flatus, stat" is a well-rehearsed declaration by us.

We announce these statements to the world because of the utter unpredictability of our bowels. Trying to subtly disperse sudden flatus or deny your crampy pain is like trying to lick your elbow - it ain't gonna happen. Why try to hide it and be called out, when you can embrace your slovenly ways and invite others to share in your GI glory? Why try to pretend the bloating and cramping pain is from your "time of month", and not the junior board cheesesteak that ripped through your bowels at the speed of light? Why say "I need to pee," when really you need to get to the ladies room and blow out the gas in your rectum with the force of an F5 tornado? Because we're nursing students, we have dispensed with the silly lies.

So in summary, our previously private bowel habits are too effed up and irregular to hide behind delusions of grandeur. We have gas, and we want you to know it.