So our house tried to burn down today. Not a fun time, that's for dang sure. Here's the story:
Roommate decides to make dinner. Roommate puts biscuits in oven. Oven promptly catches on fire (but not due to said biscuits; Fire Marshal tells us "your oven just crapped out"), and roommate knocks on bathroom door where I'm in the shower. Conversation goes like this:
Roommate: Um, shrtstormtrooper? There are flames in our oven.
Shrtstormtrooper: Like, fire flames? Or your dinner is burning sort of flames?
Roommate: Like FIRE flames! It's bad...
I promptly run downstairs in naught but a towel, where smoke is rolling out of the oven. We searched for a fire extinguisher for about 30 seconds, and I decide to call 911. Clearly this sort of fire is out of my scope of practice.
Conversation with 911 goes like so:
911: 911 Emergency, do you need an ambulance or fire truck?
Shrtstormtrooper: Yes, we have an oven fire and we can't find an extinguisher. We need the fire department right now. I live on 1 Soot Drive in Smokeyville.
911: Okay, let me transfer you to 911 in your town...
911 of Smokeyville: 911 Emergency, do you need an ambulance or fire truck?
Shrtstormtrooper: YES my kitchen is burning down, there is smoke rolling out of our oven and we don't have an extinguisher. We need FD RIGHT NOW. I live on 1 Soot Drive.
911 of Smokeyville: Okay, let me transfer you to the Smokeyville FD...
Smokeyville FD: Hello, FD, do you need an ambulance?
Shrtstormtrooper: WE NEED A DAMN FIRE TRUCK RIGHT NOW! MY HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN! I'M ON 1 SOOT DRIVE, AND MY HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN! HURRY THE HECK UP!
I'm glad our house wasn't really burning down, because it would have been a pile of ashes by the time we got done with the stupid phone transfers. But I digress. It's at this point that I realize that I am standing in the middle of the street...still in nothing but a towel. Small amounts of smoke inhalation later, I am the proud wearer of a pair of sweatpants. Finally the FD rolls up, and suddenly we are the neighborhood entertainment for the evening.
At any rate, our house isn't damaged too bad, but our oven has taken up residence on the back porch. It's a goner. We're all okay, the neighbors are very nice, and it's true: fires are scary.
And lastly, the best quote of the night:
AR: We should bake our neighbors cookies to say thank you!...Oh...no....nevermind...