I make a mean pot of chili. Those gut-warming, cold afternoon, football lovin' sorts of pots of chili? Yeah, those are the ones I make. It's pretty impressive, considering I don't know how to cook at all. But chili is my game, so I guess God took pity on my complete lack of culinary skills and gave me a golden spoon for peppers 'n meat stew instead.
In college (the first time around), I would often make giant pots of chili for all the guys that I watched football with. It wasn't often enough to be a tradition, but it was enough that my chili was well-respected and the guys looked forward to when I would make it.
This one time, I made a huge pot but didn't have the space in our apartment fridge to keep it until the game the next day. You see, 8 girls lived in a suite on campus, and we had a teeny fridge. So I took it on up to the boys' apartment and stuck it in their expansive fridge space.
That Sunday, the game was fun, conversation was great, and the chili was awesome. It was a good day.
That Sunday night, I had to run to the bathroom with my cheeks clenched so tightly I tasted underwear. It was awful. I went upstairs to check on the guys, and was greeted with the sound of toilets flushing and TP unrolling. It continued the next day, and one guy even missed a midterm. While impressive, I felt terrible - both because I was the cause of all this, and because my own butt hurt.
Monday night, I ran into a friend on campus. Normal idle conversation happened, then he goes, "so how did John and Joe's chili prank go?"
Apparently it was a bad decision to keep the chili in their fridge overnight. John and Joe went to Wal-mart at 04:00 and bought an entire box of laxatives. Which was promptly emptied into my pot of delicious chili. And then emptied again later that day into multiple toilets...multiple times...by multiple people...
Needless to say, I felt a lot of things at that moment. Relieved because it wasn't my fault that the chili was tainted, furious because a great bowl of chili was ruined, mortified that my chili caused everyone's sphincter to go on strike for a day, and most strangely, humored because this was by far the best prank that has ever been pulled on me. As much as we all paid for it, this was an excellent prank.
Now, I tell you that story so I can show you this next bit o' goodness. I'm a big fan of Maryland Terps Basketball (hecks yea for the men making the tourney!), and the prank pulled in this video clip is perhaps one of the best I've ever seen. I feel honored that my own pranked self got to partake in something half as good as this one!
I know it's long, but it's worth it!
It's worth mentioning that I haven't made chili since then, except for one time where a girl I knew convinced me to make it with her for the guys last year. Somehow, it ended up with ground turkey (turkey?!), no beans, and far less spice than I require. Simply put, it was awful.
I never did redeem myself from the original debacle. But people on campus still meet me and go, "oh, you're that girl that made the ex-lax chili, right?" Good times.