Oh, and can I get a work note?

I hate giving out work notes. Like, I'd rather give myself the stomach flu instead of passing out free get-out-of-work cards. I hate all those lazy, stupid, good for nothing asstards that demand I give them whatever they want.

Usually I'm pretty easygoing while in the ER. Plenty of people have true pain, and I'm more than willing to write them up for a day off if the doc forgets to do it. But I will not tolerate the low life mouth breathers who demand demand demand.

I had a patient today who was in a very minor car accident. Natch, he was asleep in the front seat when it happened and didn't even wake up right away. Nevertheless he and his wife blow into the ER like they own the place. I knew it would be bad when the wife asked me for a phone book so she could call a lawyer. Which I didn't get her, btw.

He spend the whole time in the room bitching. Holding his arm and whining like a little girl. Whatever. Xray is negative, no marks on him at all.

I go to discharge him - after hearing him on the phone with his doctor making an appointment for this coming monday - with some muscle relaxers and motrin prescription and he blows a fit because we didn't include vicodin. I get through the rest of his discharge paperwork, and he goes, "I need a work note. I can't work with this pain." Whatever, dood. I'll give you a note through the weekend. I don't feel like arguing with your lazy entitled self.

He flips his shit. Starts with that condenscending voice, saying, "I'm the one in pain here, I need a work note for longer than that!" I tell him that I will give him a note through the weekend, but the ER does not give out long term notes. In a sweet innocent voice, I also brightly mention that since he is seeing his doctor on monday, he can surely get a note from the PCP if his injury is severe enough to warrant not being able to pull your own thumb out of your butt. Well, I didn't say all that, but I thought it.

He goes off on me, saying that I have no idea how much pain he is in, and he can't tolerate it. Mind you, he's waving his arms around like a crazy person to emphasize how much he can't move his arms. And at this point, I'm pissed. I tell him that I don't feel comfortable giving him a work note for that long, especially in light of the negative work up. He tells me that "it's not your job to feel comfortable. It's your job to get me a work note, or call someone who does feel comfortable giving me one."

I walked out of the room halfway through his rant, called up the PA, and told him to tell the dood the same thing I told him. The PA walks into the room, and in one breath goes, "We don't give out long term work notes. You can get one from your PCP. And if you continue to raise your voice at my staff, I'll have you escorted off this property. You're discharged, thank you."

He stormed out...without his work note.

Which I promptly trashed.

I sort of hope he has a major accident on the way home, and actually needs that work note.

I hate people sometimes. It's asstards like this that ruin a perfectly good night of helping people who actually need to be helped.