I'm going to put it in now. You'll feel my fingers, then really cold. This might be uncomfortable...spread your legs wider if you can. Take a deep breath, let it out.
Sigh. Wrong hole. Let me try again, hang on a second. I'm going to move your legs a little.
Hang on, let me move the bed. I'm going to lean you down a bit more. Try and relax your legs again, I know it's uncomfortable, I'm sorry.
Sigh. I'm sorry I'm taking so long, you're a bit hard to visualize.
Hang on, let me get someone else to help, it might be quicker that way...
Okay, I think it's in. Yes! It's in! I'm done...
...with the world's most difficult 16 French foley female cath.
Get your mind out of the gutter, you sicko.