That's no moon...

That's no moon...it's a space station!



The Death Star is real!! And it's just around the corner of the solar system; Mimas, a moon of Saturn. I'm in nerd heaven right now.

Respect

As I'm putting an IV into an elderly gentleman and drawing blood, I'm making small talk with him. I switch from the vacutainer to the luer lock and flush, and a bit of blood dribbles out before I can attach it. A few drops drip onto his hospital gown. "I'm sorry about that," I say.

"It's okay, it's just a little blood," he replies, "nothing I haven't seen before."

"Were you in the medical field?" I ask, curiously.

"Oh no," he says. "I was at Omaha Beach."

***
All I could say to him was thank you. Our worst day in the ER is nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what those who fight have seen. Especially those who fought at D-Day.

You put that where?!

I'm going to put it in now. You'll feel my fingers, then really cold. This might be uncomfortable...spread your legs wider if you can. Take a deep breath, let it out.

Sigh. Wrong hole. Let me try again, hang on a second. I'm going to move your legs a little.

Hang on, let me move the bed. I'm going to lean you down a bit more. Try and relax your legs again, I know it's uncomfortable, I'm sorry.

Sigh. I'm sorry I'm taking so long, you're a bit hard to visualize.

Hang on, let me get someone else to help, it might be quicker that way...

Okay, I think it's in. Yes! It's in! I'm done...

...with the world's most difficult 16 French foley female cath.

Get your mind out of the gutter, you sicko.

The power of vision

To someone who has next to nothing, medical care is a gift from higher up. I wonder what would happen if everyone were like this:

Dhanuk is third in line on the front row. As soon as the bandages are removed, her face fills with life. She leaps to her feet smiling and pulling her hands to her chest in a prayer position, a traditional Nepalese way of giving thanks.

After nearly a year of total blindness, Dhanuk drinks in the blue sky, the green grass and all the other patients around her. She easily counts fingers, and then Ruit asks her to squeeze his nose if she can see it. It only takes a second for her jump up and grab it with both hands. Applause erupts in this moment Ruit calls the power of vision.

Dr. Sanduk Ruit is a Sherpa born doc who pioneered a new method of removing cataracts - free of cost to the patient. I can only imagine how different out country would be if instead of looking at health care as some ingrained birthright we were instead so thankful for the teeny things. And also, of course, if we abandoned the make-more-money approach. After all, Ruit says, "this is really too good for money."

Read the entire story here.

If you're a bird, I'm 1967

Dementia is not a fun disease. It's actually really tragic. Someone dies in a car crash, well, that's quick. They are alive and then they're not. It's unbelievably hard for the family, but at least it's a finite event and there is a sense of closure.

Watching someone's mind slowly slip away into nothing is not at all finite. It's a heartbreakingly slow process. First that family member calls you the wrong name. Then they can't remember if toothpaste is for their teeth or for their bagel. Then they forget to take their blood pressure medicine and have a stroke, and then they forget to turn the oven off and then they forget who they are. And the family gets to watch the whole process. Sort of like in The Notebook, except they don't get to leave the nursing home to dance with Ryan Gosling and instead of curling up at the end to peacefully pass away with their life long love, they are dragged into the hospital where we poke and prod and change their diaper and then maybe, hopefully, there is a dignified end to their life.

Like I said, dementia sucks.

But sometimes, there are little nuggets of humor. When you're staring at a shell of a former person, you take what you can get. It's not always appropriate humor, but it keeps us sane.

Take Jeremiah. That's not his real name, obviously, but it fits since he was just about as old as the biblical dude. Pops comes into the ER for altered mental status...change in mental status in someone with a baseline change in mental status? Not something I'm going to turn the dial to 11 for. But for whatever reason, we were slow, and everyone - including my favorite doctor - immediately piles into the room to get report from EMS. The Doc is going through the exam, nurses are doing their things, and I can barely keep from peeing myself.

Doc: What year is it?
J: 1967.
Doc: Where are you right now?
J: I worked for the seafood business for 30 years!
Doc: What's your name?
J: Jeremiah, you idiot. I already told you that.
Doc: Why are you here today?
J: I worked for the seafood business for 30 years!
Doc: Okay, look at this light. No, don't go towards it, just look at it. Good. Well, you hang tight and we'll get some labwork, okay?
J: I worked for the seafood business for...1967!

I kinda feel bad for laughing, but whatever. That junk was funny.

Meds: Milkbone BID

Not really sure how I would obtain this H&P...

Hurt dog limps into New Mexico ER

But really, it's impressive. And kinda sad that this dog is probably smarter than a good percentage of our people patients.

Hi, I'm a moron.

There are an unbelievable number of idiots that come into the ER. I'm not sure of the exact percentage, but a sadly high ratio have already spawned and have now blessed the world with potential little idiots. And it's tragic. Because kids aren't born douchebags, they get made that way by their parents.

A fine example would be Tweedle Dipshit, who graced us with her presence at 0430 the other day. Her two year old, Tweedle Jr., was the absolute cutest kid ever. All ears and grin, he was dragged into the ER because he had a 104' fever. Tweedle tells me, "Well, he felt really hot but I didn't feel like taking his temperature and I knew yall'd do it here. I didn't give him no tylenol either, because I just wanted to get here quicker and that kinda stuff takes too much time."

I can only manage a blank stare for three seconds, max, before I want to hurt something. So I turn to look at this kid, who immediately wants to give me a high five. I open my mouth to start asking questions when mom, and I shit you not, holds up a finger in the universal "give me a second" gesture and pulls out her cell phone, dials her friend, and proceeds to start talking about how long the ER wait was and how the nurses haven't done anything yet for her kid. Even though the kid got tylenol in triage.

Wolverine has a beserker rage that just takes over him. If you've seen the movies, he just snaps and snikts and slices some people up while everyone around him is like WTF just happened?! Sometimes I joke that I have this rage inside me too - which helped me fend off a creepy potential rapist, a story for another day - but after this day I'm not so sure. If I really had a beserker rage, Tweedle wouldn't be alive right now.

Instead of flinging metal claws out of my hands and destroying her, I silently vowed to somehow get revenge. So I glared at her for my max of three seconds, then loudly started asking questions over her talking. She looked at me like I had three heads, rolled her eyes, and gets off the phone. Whatever.

I tell her to pull the britches off her kid because I'm taking him temperature again. She asks "why would you need to do that?" It's like this woman is here solely to infuriate me. Because, I tell her, you brought your kid in for a temperature, which means I sort of need to know what his temperature is. Sigh. As I pull his diaper open, the smell of freshly laid turd assaults us. Tweedle looks at me. I look at her. She asks for a diaper and wipes.

I'm at boiling point. What parent brings their diaper wearing two year old somewhere at the wee hours of the morning and doesn't bring a diaper bag? Scratch boiling, I'm at silently raging homicidal by now. The worst part is that I have to get the kid a diaper, because I can't let an innocent kiddo marinate in his own poo. It's not his fault his mother is on the same evolutionary level as a sea cucumber.

After all this, all the rant inducing behavior and brain degradation, she manages to push me over the edge with one simple request. "You get me a soda? I want Ginger Ale. And crackers, t-"

Imma let you finish, lady.

Well, no I'm not. I walked out. She yells "HEY! Get me a soda!" towards my swiftly walking away self. I give her a half turn, and point in the direction of the waiting room. "Vending machines. Help yourself."

Listen, I'm bound by the law which means I can't stab, kick, punch, shoot, or otherwise maim her. I also can't be too much of a jerk to her because then she'll call my supervisor and I don't feel like dealing with that. But Karma's a bitch, and revenge is best served as a crunchy snack that I made you pay for. It's not much, but I'll take what I can get.

Boring

Well blogfriends, I must apologize for boring you recently with my lack of anything interesting. I promise I'll have something worthwhile to say soon, once I get over this crippling laziness. I promise!


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

For now, you get this.

Lessons

Lessons of a $618,616 death. A man dying of kidney cancer and his family's struggle to fight it for 7 years. Help? Hurt? Worth it? It's long, but is it ever worth it. For reals, it's worth a read.