Balance

Life is strange sometimes. I feel like I'm comfortable at work and getting the hang of the department flow. I've made friends and am fitting in with people. Everything that's been going right finally culminated in the ultimate compliment (at least to me...maybe I have just have low standards) when I got an email from my recruiter who told me the hospital was offering to extend my contract by another 13 weeks. It's very reassuring to know that I am an okay enough nurse to come into a new enviroment and be competent.

So I read this email the other night around 3am. Around that time I had a patient who was a nice walky talky not-sick guy. He's chatting with me, laughing with family, and walking around the treatment room. We postponed his discharge because of something relatively minor, and ran a couple more tests. The dude was going to be fine. I handed off report and went to a different section of the ER. Forty-five minutes later I walk by the room. They're doing CPR.

Ten minutes later he was pronounced dead.

After hearing the story, it's clear that this was a very unfortunate circumstance - no fault of any staff, and no fault of the patient. Just a really, really crappy turn of events. But the fact remains that I was feeling the most confident I have in a month and less than an hour after that burst of joy I am brought right back down with the knowledge that a patient of mine didn't make it. There is no joy in that.