But wait! Call now, and we'll send you two!

Patient at triage: So I bought this new thing, called flexiseal, so I could use it at home. But it's not working right and I think I have mold on my carpet now and that's why I'm here.

Not gonna lie, I'm glad I watch infomercials a lot in the wee hours of the morning, because I sure would have been confused otherwise. Seriously. Flexiseal. Flex Seal. Two real things...very very different uses.

Although, on second thought, I suppose they do both prevent leaks if you're up shit creek.

Flexiseal:

Flex Seal:

I hope you were eating breakfast while reading this, suckers! Google images for the disgusting win.

Straws

I'm pretty sure when I dropped my patient off in the ICU this morning, as soon as I left they were just like

[credit to #whatshouldwecallnursing for the ICU-inspired gif]

Sorry, guys. I really didn't mean to be a dick about that. Just...some days are worse than others. And some patients are way worse than others. And sometimes I just reach the end of my rope and call it a night.

My breaking point was probably somewhere in the patients' kayexalate explosion and subsequent fingerpainting, ER vs Admitting doc literally screaming at each other over requests that could not be accomplished until one of them acquiesced to common sense, me being caught in the middle of the ridiculous arguments via constant conflicting orders, the requiring of four-point restraints for behavioral reasons, the admitting doc losing the chart and all the restraint documentation, family members cussing me on the phone because I wouldn't let them come visit the patient during the shitsplosion, discovering that the patient had given a fake name to the police resulting in a completely incorrect chart history, and the realization that somehow I had gotten poo on my scrub pants even with the protective gown firmly in place.

So, my apologies for not doing the one order that you think should have been done in the ER. It didn't have STAT written next to it and thusly I was like NOPE.