Friday, November 13, 2015


I'm a pretty crusty bastard. After seven years in nursing, I've seen a lot and unfortunately been jaded by a lot. Many things which made me cry years ago are now brushed off with a sigh and the resignation of knowing that whatever it was will most definitely happen again sometime. I make terrible jokes, I go out for happy hour (or beer breakfast, depending on the shift) and immediately have a beer with friends, and I don't answer truthfully when people ask me what the worst thing I've ever seen was. Moral of the story, I'm hardened and I know it.

But deep down, I still feel all the feels. Like, all of them. To the point that they bubble over uncontrollably when the right moment arises.

Case in point: my recent new hospital played a corporate values video during one of the orientation days, and it was fairly sad but not heartwrenching or waterworks-inducing. That said, classy and wistful piano music against a backdrop of one-line summaries of the internal thoughts and struggles of both patients and staff is apparently the only cue I need to become a blubbering mess. Seriously. Multiple tissues and trying to hide it from the rest of the orientation people.

And then I watched Inside Out last night and good lord the waterworks. Ugly crying from start to finish. It was brutal.

I guess it's a good thing though...I DO still have a heart!


Anonymous said...

Even thoughts of this video while walking the units makes me tear up.

Shash said...

You are human and humane even if you have a crust. That is a good thing.

Christina RN LMT said...

Was it the "Empathy" video from the Cleveland Clinic? I've seen that sucker half a dozen times, easily, and I CRY EVERY TIME. Every. Time. I'm a sap.

Of course you have a heart. You couldn't do what you do so well if you didn't. :)

Unknown said...

This makes me feel incredibly normal. It's frustrating how sub human I feel sometimes considering all that goes on in the ER. I look forward to the relief I get when it finally catches up to me, and I can have a good cry :-) reminds me I'm still in there. I sincerely thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Both of those are brutal for me too