Oh man sassy old ladies are the BEST. We had this broad last night who got tripped up by her dog and took the express route to the tile floor. Fortunately she was the rare very old lady who was magically not on blood thinners, totally alert and oriented, and also hilarious.
While the doctor was suturing her gaping eyebrow laceration back together, she hit on many topics:
"I'm so glad you're sewing me up so my brains don't ooze out of that. I've only got a few years left to hold on to them anyway, can't be careless now!"
"You don't have a ring on. Can you sew your phone number into that for me?"
"If I slip you a twenty, can you maybe just tighten up that thread a bit and make me look young and surprised?"
"Just imagine the bloody mess the other lady was when I was done with her!"