October 18

It's been two months since I started my new job, and there hasn't been a single shift where I've regretted making the move. Sure, there have been days that were overwhelming and it's definitely hard to be thrown into a new place with high expectations. But not once have I sat in my car outside the hospital filled with dread about the next 12 hours. Not once have I clocked in and thought about just turning around and leaving. Not once have coworkers asked me, with genuine concern, "are you okay? you seem so unhappy here."

I love my new job. It's still new and I'm getting used to the differences, but I actually enjoy going to work every day now. It's been so long since I've been able to say that.

Things really are different. I have lots of bedside clinical care, which has been the hardest part of it all surprisingly. Spending most of the last three years doing charge has really shaken my confidence at the bedside stuff. I know I'm a good nurse, but it seems like those skills just slipped away without me really noticing and now I'm on the uphill to get them back. Or maybe it's the unease of functioning in a hospital that is almost the same, but just different enough that the muscle memory isn't there yet. Whatever it is, I'm feeling better and better with every day regarding the bedside aspect. And the case management/paperwork aspect of it is great. I really enjoy that side of it, honestly. 

So TL;DR. My new job is hard but good and I like it and wow the lack of toxicity is super nice. Also I get to wear black scrub pants and a t shirt every day so I look way cooler than I actually am. Cheers to not looking like a blueberry anymore!