Friday, February 29, 2008

In keeping with the recent theme...

All across the nation, we trust in defecation!

Thursday, February 28, 2008


Props to CrankyProf for coining the term.

I had my own fun outing with the ass-plody recently in clinical. She was a forty something relatively healthy woman who had some mild issues that barely warranted a hospital visit admission. Anyway, she had been a little backed up in the hospital and could only poo small chunks at a time. Just before we got on the floor, her nurse gave her a wonderful cocktail of MOM and prune juice. She warned me when we got up there, and I think secretly she was thanking God for sending an unsuspecting nursing student her way.

With this in mind, I go into the patients room, and she is halfway between the BSC and her bed, with little squirts everywhere for my cleaning pleasure. I get her cleaned up, regowned, and on the pot. Bless her heart, she managed to make it to the pot the next time. I swear I emptied that pot a dozen times that day and never saw her eat anything. I don't know where it all came from. All I know is that I have had another experience with ass-plody, and I still don't like it.


This might be one of the dumbest things I've ever read. Once you've given it up, it's gone! No getting it back! Make a renewed commitment, swear off sex until you're married...but don't get surgery. Now you're a not-virgin AND a dumbass. And $5,000 poorer.

edit: If you're doing this so your husband doesn't kill you to uphold an archaic "honor" code, that's completely understandable. If you're just someone who wants to be able to tell your significant other "I'm a virgin," that's not okay.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

My first code!

So in clinical today, I experienced my first code...sort of. Actually, I observed one in the ER last semester, but I don't know if it actually counts because she had been coding for almost an hour by the time she got there. But I digress.

The code tonight wasn't my patient, but she did belong to one of the other girls in clinical. She had been checked on, and was fine, made it to the bathroom and back in bed, then promptly started agonal respirations, then stopped altogether. The crash cart was wheeled in, and I swear people rappelled in from all directions, windows, and maybe even an AC vent. Unfortunately, I had the vantage point from the hallway...not very good.

In the end, it turned out to be a pretty crappy code. One of the nurses didn't know how to push the epi, there was no team leader, and the doctor said "she's going to die anyway, just stop the code." I was surprised how unprepared people were, even though it looked like everything was going well. She ended up coming back around, but I don't think I'll forget this for a long time. Lesson learned: always be prepared, and know how to do stuff!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Breakdown on the horizon!

I experience a total mental meltdown usually about once a semester. Sometimes more, if the subject matter is difficult. Nursing counts as difficult.

So here I am, at 10:34 on a Monday night. I'm writing my umpteenth care plan of the semester, and I am SICK of them. They don't teach us anything, nursing diagnoses are stupid, and they take effing forever. I understand that we have to know meds and rationales. But do we really need to get every little bit of psychosocial history on these people? Do I really need to write an immaculate nursing diagnosis with interventions and client outcomes, which I will never use in the real world? I would hope not. But alas, I am doomed to write these things.

Normally a care plan alone isn't enough to make me go crazy. But this week is a little stressful. I've been sexiled from my apartment because my roommate's husband is home from overseas for a week. I have a job fair to visit tomorrow, in which I will be dropping off my externship application (which I just finished today). I have two teaching projects to complete for my weekend maternity clinical coming up, in which we will spend 24 hours on the floor. I had a test this morning. I have a test on friday. We had a skills quiz today. I have a drug quiz on thursday. WHEW. None of these alone can break me, but together...they are trying.

So how to remedy it? Procrastinate by blogging. Enjoy.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Welcome to the dark side...

Look what I've (kind of) instigated! You may read her blog here:

Nursing and Nonsense

Enjoy at your own risk.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Babies are scary

All the progress I made last week in clinical went out the door. Let me give you a little background for this story.

I've never held a baby in my entire life. Kids, yes. But they don't count. If they can hold their own head up, they aren't a baby. So considering this, I spent all last week doing post partum assessments. The nice thing about postpartum is that no babies are involved. I don't have to hold them, touch them, or change them. Nor do I have to worry about accidentally dropping one, which I consider a bonus. But all things changed this week.

This week, I was assigned a Csection baby, so mom wasn't around for a while. So there I am, with a 30 minute old baby. And then the nurse suggests that I give it a bath. Of course, bathing a baby requires holding it. And I'll admit, I'm TERRIFIED of babies! What if I drop it? I'll be sued, I'll have to move to Canada, I'll be forever disgraced, all because I can't hold a six pound ball of baby. This may sound silly, but for someone who has never held a baby before, bathtime is a scary time of day.

In the end, the baby got bathed, I didn't drop it, I'm still scared of babies, and I still call them "it."

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


It's the little things that make me nervous. Little things like planning the rest of my life. Let me explain.

I sent in my application today for an externship position at Local Hospital. I like this hospital a lot, and have had a chance to shadow a nurse in the ED. I love the ED. It's what I want to do. So, I'm hoping to get my externship there. Unfortunately, about 40 people will be applying to this program, and only 20 are accepted. Of those 20, only 2 make it into the ED. I'm hoping that not too many people request that position, but the odds still aren't in my favor. I'll be buying a nice outfit this weekend for my interview, and I'll practically promise them my first born child in return for the ED spot. I'll also be talking right from my heart, and hopefully they can see that.

But, you never know. If I don't get this, I'll apply for a patient care tech spot instead since there are 2 openings in the ED. If I don't get that, I'll take my CNA certification and wipe asses all summer. If even that doesn't pan out, I think I'll move to the mountains and spend my days fishing my woes away.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


I have a whole new level of respect for the Hospice care team after my recent rotation with a nurse at a local center. Don't get me wrong, I've always known they do a great job in an incredibly hard type of nursing. I just didn't realize how difficult and involved their jobs were.

The nurse I shadowed was Superwoman in scrubs, I swear to you. She was the most compassionate person I've ever met. I mentioned how I didn't think I could ever work Hospice, because I'm far too emotional to handle my patients only coming to me when death is imminent. I've always been told that the whole point of medicine is to save people, to cure them, or to fix them up until next time. The point of hospice? To help people die with dignity.

This is almost too much for me. I'm the type of person who cries at anything even remotely sad. Which is why I'm doing ER (hopefully), because I can take care of my acutely ill patient with as much compassion as possible, and then send them on to someone else who can help them with their bigger issues. How can I possibly handle knowing my patients most likely won't live past 6 months or a year?

After talking with her, however, I have come to see that the point of medicine isn't always to delay death. Sometimes it's to let death take the patient, but on their own terms. One thing she said to me is that yes, you'll become attached to your patients. But instead of thinking of their death as a loss, try to think of it as you being allowed to be a part of a hugely important phase in their time here, and that you're providing the dignity and stability they need to transition as smoothly as possible.

While I still don't think I could handle working in Hospice - at least not for another few decades or so - I do know that the people who can work it are some of the most amazing people out there. Props to them.

Monday, February 18, 2008

On a side note, I got my first blog hit today! I don't even know how that happened, I'm technologically stupid. I posted links to some other blogs I read, does that show up on their blog? Help me out here...

So in light of that, you'll only find mildly interesting school-related stuff on here now. Sorry! No more personal dirt. Tragic, I know.

Up and down

It's amazing how much things can change in a week. Seven days ago, I was crying under my covers because I got a 78 on a maternity test when I knew that information. Today, I'm dancing in my room because I got a 94 on my adult test because not only did I know that information, I knew it. I'm pretty sure most of the class bombed it. I even got a note from my prof that said "nice job." It's only two words, but it means a lot to me. And it's quite interesting to see how much my attitude can change in a week.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Miracle of life

So today was the most amazing clinical ever. I saw a baby come into the world, a la this lady's vagina. And it was the most amazing thing ever.

I have been freaked out by babies, I have sworn that I will never be pregnant because your body does weird things when it is, and I have sworn never to allow a little alien to pop from my vagina. However, I think those things changed today.

I was just hanging at the nurses station, and a nurse came out of room 2 with the news that the mom would allow one more student into the room. I volunteered myself, and off I went. I went into the room, and the first thing I noticed was that everyone was staring at her vagina. Her mom, mom-in-law, husband, nurse, baby care nurse, other student, and me. Then my professor came in, and then the midwife came in. So thats NINE people in the room. Nine sets of eyes staring at her hooey, waiting for something to come out.

Then she starts pushing. And all of a sudden, sweet mother, is that hair? Oh my god it is, that's a baby's head. When she stops pushing, it sucks itself back in. Strange. But she keeps pushing during every contraction, and then all of a sudden a large portion of baby-head-full-of-hair is out. Next contraction, holy cow it's a head. Her vagina just sprouted a head. "How the F is this normal?" is my first thought. So they suction, and unwrap the cord, and she pushes again...and is now the proud mother of a baby boy. All of these semi-grossed out thoughts I've been having are suddenly replaced by "that's a baby." And it was amazing. Eight seconds ago, there were ten people in the room. Now, there are eleven. Awesome.

While I still believe things like the placenta are too gross for me to ever consider being pregnant, as are perineal lacerations and baby goo squirting from unmentionable places, I think this whole birth thing is pretty cool. I thanked her and her husband for allowing me into the room, and I now have a whole new point of view on pregnancy and motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I'm still weirded out by some parts of it...but birth is pretty cool. And for me, that's saying a lot.

edit: After reading this, I realize how funny the word "vagina" is. There are a lot of funny words in this world, but that one's up there.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A whole new world!

This whole blogging thing can generally be blamed on a few things: my friends have blogs that I stalk, I started nursing school, and my fingers cramp when I write. But outside of the few posts I have written, the few things I have to write about, and the few friends that I stalk religiously, I don't really have a lot to do with blogs. That changed this week.

I have recently discovered the joy that is medical blogging. I have spent numerous hours (that should be spent studying) catching up on the history of these blogs, and I have decided that I will definitely be blogging about all my nursing woes and joys when I finally have a job. I just love reading these things! Some are by doctors, some by nurses, and most are in the ED. I feel like a part of the culture, though I have yet to start commenting on their posts.

So this blog will be my transition into this world...maybe I'll have something exciting to write about once I'm out of school and working. Now if I can just come up with a witty name...

here is who I read, in case you've stumbled upon this blog of mine:
Scalpel or Sword?
Suburban Emergency
Movin' Meat
Fingers and tubes in every orifice
Crass Pollination

More will be added...