Hospital manners

I find one of the most amusing things about my decidedly non-amusing recent hospital stay was the speed with which I slipped into the role of shameless patient.

I was an inpatient for exactly 24 hours. In those 24 hours, I did the following:

1. Left the bathroom door open to pee because the IV pole wouldn't fit with me, not even caring that the room door was also open (no direct line of sight - I'm not THAT shameless).

2. I excitedly hit the callbell so I could inform my nurse that I farted! I usually enjoy farting, but the level of glee in my voice was something typically only reserved for the insincere apologies I offer after dutch-ovening my fiance.

3. Ordered a balanced meal from the cafeteria, consisting of two orders of tomato soup, one chicken broth, one cup of hot tea, one cup of iced tea, a smoothie, and an order of chocolate pudding. I sure did house the entire tray without a second thought. Or first chewing.

4. Walked a lot. On one of my multiple pre-fart laps around the nursing station, I had to sneeze but hurt too bad to not splint, so the arm not holding onto the IV pole went to my abdomen. The back of my gown? Left to its own devices. I think I had it tied shut enough, but I can't be sure and I didn't care enough to check.

5. Took full advantage of the fashionable attire available to me. I was admitted after working a 12 hour shift and didn't get to go home prior to checking in, so I was faced with either wearing dirty underwear all weekend or getting new ones. Since the gift shop doesn't include an aerie store, I got to wear the mesh briefs that are so prevalent in the mother/baby unit. They're super comfortable, for the record.

So, yeah. I guess I can laugh all I want about the ridiculous things that patients do, but give me three minutes in the hospital and I'll damn sure check each one off my own list.