I'm a pretty crusty bastard. After seven years in nursing, I've seen a lot and unfortunately been jaded by a lot. Many things which made me cry years ago are now brushed off with a sigh and the resignation of knowing that whatever it was will most definitely happen again sometime. I make terrible jokes, I go out for happy hour (or beer breakfast, depending on the shift) and immediately have a beer with friends, and I don't answer truthfully when people ask me what the worst thing I've ever seen was. Moral of the story, I'm hardened and I know it.
But deep down, I still feel all the feels. Like, all of them. To the point that they bubble over uncontrollably when the right moment arises.
Case in point: my recent new hospital played a corporate values video during one of the orientation days, and it was fairly sad but not heartwrenching or waterworks-inducing. That said, classy and wistful piano music against a backdrop of one-line summaries of the internal thoughts and struggles of both patients and staff is apparently the only cue I need to become a blubbering mess. Seriously. Multiple tissues and trying to hide it from the rest of the orientation people.
And then I watched Inside Out last night and good lord the waterworks. Ugly crying from start to finish. It was brutal.
I guess it's a good thing though...I DO still have a heart!
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One day I woke up and realized I'm not a baby nurse anymore. I'm not even a young nurse. I'm a real adult who has now been doing this for years, and I'm definitely expected to know what I'm doing at all times. And that's fucking terrifying.
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HIPAA. Trust and believe, these stories are halfway made-up and halfway made up of lots of other stories. I will protect patient privacy like it's my job. Because it is.
Many of the photos showing mundane things are ones I took. As for memes and other google picture search images, I've been horribly bad at photo crediting - I will be attempting to go back through and properly credit things or remove them if I can't. But rest assured, ain't no real patient pictures up here, folks.
While I appreciate those reading the blog, I don't advertise for any website. I can only be responsible for my own opinion, and thus politely decline any offer to "host a post" or otherwise advertise something not written by me...But thanks anyway!
Many of the photos showing mundane things are ones I took. As for memes and other google picture search images, I've been horribly bad at photo crediting - I will be attempting to go back through and properly credit things or remove them if I can't. But rest assured, ain't no real patient pictures up here, folks.
While I appreciate those reading the blog, I don't advertise for any website. I can only be responsible for my own opinion, and thus politely decline any offer to "host a post" or otherwise advertise something not written by me...But thanks anyway!
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5 comments:
Even thoughts of this video while walking the units makes me tear up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDDWvj_q-o8
You are human and humane even if you have a crust. That is a good thing.
Was it the "Empathy" video from the Cleveland Clinic? I've seen that sucker half a dozen times, easily, and I CRY EVERY TIME. Every. Time. I'm a sap.
Of course you have a heart. You couldn't do what you do so well if you didn't. :)
This makes me feel incredibly normal. It's frustrating how sub human I feel sometimes considering all that goes on in the ER. I look forward to the relief I get when it finally catches up to me, and I can have a good cry :-) reminds me I'm still in there. I sincerely thank you for sharing!
Both of those are brutal for me too
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