It's Boxing Day. Normally this is the day of the season that everyone gets to stay home in their jammies after an exhausting two days of holiday activity. This year? It's the third day of stay at home holiday celebrating for me. This is the first time I think I've ever had off December 24-26, in, what? Eleven years of nursing? I so desperately wish I could have traveled to see my family. I want nothing more than to wake up and have coffee with my parents, and open gifts around their tree, and see my 94 year old grandmother, and spend time with all my friends, and meet the brand new babies, and snuggle with my parent's cat. I wish I could go to my in-laws' house and watch their kids climb all over their new playhouse, or have dinner with my husbands parents. But I'm not. I'm home, for the third day in a row of this Christmas holiday, and that's just how it is.
Because I want COVID to go away. I want things to be like they used to, but they're not.
And seeing all the Facebook pictures of big family gatherings, or people posting check ins at the airport, or getting an invite to "stop in and say hello" if I'm in town this year just makes me angry. It's because of this shit that I've been stuck in COVID hell for 9 months now with no end date set. How many 94 year old grannies will we watch die next week in the ER? Will I have to be a part of the decision to NOT intubate someone because it's the last vent in the hospital and someone with a better chance of surviving will need it? Will I be the last person a father of three sees before he dies of a COVID related pulmonary embolism? Will I be the one to turn away the family who just showed up at the triage desk hoping to see their 40 year old sister after her massively debilitating stroke? How many more days will I have to go without that cup of coffee with my family because everyone else is selfish enough to think their actions don't matter?
3 comments:
THANK YOU.
I sincerely wish some of the much older than me, battle hardened nurses, who had seen too much, could be turned loose in one of the airports today. They would have the place cleared out pronto with potential airline passengers running back to their cars. I don't understand folks today with their utter lack of concern for others.
We used minimal sedation for vent patients back in the day and I will never, ever, forget the look of abject terror in their eyes as they bucked against that infernal machine forcing air into their endo tube. If some of the self centered free spirits of today could visualize the misery caused by their actions-things might be better for all.
I'm old and somewhat used to the isolation and these times are tough for me. I cannot imagine the toll this is taking on whippersnapperns like your self. Your courage is admirable.
Hi there,
You sound weary dear lady! It's tough you are stuck at home and it's tough that you are on the front line during all this. So far 2021 isn't looking too good for a while yet unfortunately but maybe later in the year things will improve.
We are pretty good here in Australia so far... still cluster outbreaks that have to be stamped out fast, it's difficult to travel anywhere to visit family/friends but otherwise things are reasonably normal.
I sure hope things pick up for you there reasonably soon. Do know I pop by and check on you after I see from OFRN's blog that you have a new post! Take care of yourself over there. Sue.
Post a Comment