My legs vs. a 1989 Ford Bronco II

I promised an explanation for the Ford Bronco story. Here it is.

It was my senior year of high school, on a balmy day during spring lacrosse season. Spring on the Eastern Shore is a bipolar season. It will go from 34' at night to 89 and humid at 3 pm, and back to snowing the next day. We are also very blessed to have ridiculously fast moving thunderstorms come through quite often during this most bipolar of seasons.

So my brother and I are home by ourselves, as our parents have trusted us to not burn the house down while they are out doing errands. Said thunderstorm comes rolling in. It has been a hot day so all the car and house windows are down and various warm weather patio equipment is outside. My brother and I divvy up the storm preparations: He is responsible for all of the house windows, I'm responsible for the vehicle windows, and we will meet up on the patio to drag in everything. I grab the keys. And this is where disaster strikes.

Our 1989 Ford Bronco II was a piece of crap. Nothing worked on it, yet we continued to drive her. This particular model of Bronco was one of the first with power windows. Thus the car battery must be on to put the windows up. It also had a broken emergency brake so we parked it in first gear to keep her from rolling away. Most importantly, for some odd reason the clutch did not need to be pushed in to start the vehicle. Some of you may be able to predict the story from here.

I opened the door and sat one cheek on the seat, to reach around the steering wheel and turn the battery on. I accidentally started the engine. Since this POS didn't need the clutch in, it started right up. Since this POS was already in first gear due to a broken EB, it took off. Right through a row of leyland cypress trees separating our driveway from the neighbor's yard. My poor legs are still outside the car. As we sail through the trees, the door partially shuts on my legs. I slip out a little and am hanging on to the steering wheel for dear life as I slowly do circles in the neighbor's lawn. Finally I push the brake with my hand, turn the Bronco off...and promptly run to the neighbor's front door to apologize for tearing up their lawn.

They take one look at me covered in pine needles, dripping wet from the now torrential rainstorm outside and already black and blue from the traumatic ride through the trees while pinned in the door, and proceed to carry me to my house where my brother has kindly finished the storm preparations without bothering to check on me. The parents are called and the Bronco is returned to the driveway (not by me, thank you very much).

After many ibuprofen and icepacks, I am able to tell my traumatic story to all who are gathered. When finished my father gives me one of those looks that says it all: We are so glad you are okay...but you're an idiot. And yes, the Bronco is a POS.

In the end, everyone was okay. Well, everyone except for me. And the Bronco. I couldn't walk for a week because of bruising beyond belief all up and down both legs, and the Bronco had a nice thigh-sized dent in the door that allowed a backseat passenger a view of the road even with a closed door. We eventually fixed the door, but my pride has never recovered.

I also have never learned to drive stickshift.


edit: this is a funny story. to this day, I still laugh about the "Bronco Incident," and frequently get made fun of for it. you have permission to laugh too.

Old and cranky

I am equivalent to a cantankerous old lady. Hear me out.

I recently got a sunburn at the beach and let me tell you...it was a sunburn. Like, the backs of my knees burned so badly I couldn't even bend them for a few days. Showers were like the seventh level of Hell. I carried lotion in my pocket. It was bad. So when I finally was able to twist my knees around enough to see them properly, I noticed a vein that was much darker than the others. "Surely I can't be getting varicose veins already! I'm young, healthy, and semi-active!" I managed to convince myself that it was nothing, and went on my merry way.

Fast forward a few days, and I'm in Chick-fil-A ordering a delicious chicken sandwich with waffle fries and polynesian sauce. (Relevant to the story? No. Mouthwatering? Yes.) I'm off to the side waiting for my sammich and fries, and a middle age lady steps up to order. Since it's close to boiling outside and everyone is wearing shorts, my eyes naturally wander around to check out her flip flops. SWEET JESUS does her husband beat her? Wait, maybe she sat on a sharpie and accidentally wrote all over her legs. No, maybe she had a run in with a Ford Bronco and a broken clutch (story will follow soon, trust me). I look closer. I rub my eyes. This is impossible. EVERY inch of her legs are covered in varicose veins. I swear I could have counted her pulse from where I was standing. Eegh.

I immediately think of my own vein behind my still-tender knee. And I immediately start promising that I will NEVER let myself get to that point. I complain to my mom about our family history of varicose veins. I complain to myself about my frequent leg crossing. I thought about it so often that I'm sure God was sick of hearing it.

So I zoomed home and ordered some stylish compression socks. And here I am, at 22 years old, wearing granny stockings and whining to anyone who will listen about my varicose veins and the state my legs may be in come middle age.

At this point, I'm just like a cranky old lady...minus the hearing aids and daily supply of metamucil.

Reality shock

Before I ever started nursing school, I had this image in my head about what nursing is really like. While I knew it wasn't all fun and games I never imagined how different it would be from what I pictured.

Deep down I knew things, but they didn't seem real until I saw them first hand.

For example: I knew people had chronic illnesses, but I never thought CHF would warrant 18 trips to the ER in the past 6 months. I also never quite realized that you don't fix these people, you just stop their symptoms for that day and send them home to return in three weeks.

For example: I knew people didn't recover from injuries every time, but I never thought a simple bilateral crushed heel would ruin the chances a young girl has of being in the Air Force. I have seen more life-changing injuries in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible...and up till this time, I always held to the illusion that the ER fixes you and you're all better. Now I know it's not true.

For example: Some old people die alone and without family. I have a close knit family and I can't imagine anyone in my family dying alone, but the rest of the world doesn't always hold to that ideal. It's tough seeing 94 year old granny or grandpa struggling to breathe, septic from a UTI, too weak to sit up, and so confused they don't know who we are. It breaks my heart, and I've already volunteered to go to the supply room for random crap so I can wipe a few tears away.

For example: Some old people die, but have family. It's still hard to watch granny or grandpa struggling to breathe, septic from a UTI, too weak to sit up, and so confused they don't know who we are - but at least they have family present to be with them. Even so, all life ends at some point and now was their time.

For example: Babies die under your fingertips with Mom sobbing at the foot of the warmer when CPR is stopped. I would give anything to never have this happen to me again.


But even with all of the sad things, I have seen the resiliency of people and their determination to make it through their issues. It's nice to see a family donate all the organs of their 18 year old daughter - their only child. It makes me smile inside to see a chronically ill person thank you for bringing them a warm blanket, when they can barely get enough breath to stay alive.

Overall, in the past couple of weeks I have seen the best and worst of what can happen to people. I have cried and I have laughed. I have learned so much and still see how far I have to go. I love this externship. I can't wait to be a nurse.

Success!

I survived my first two days as a Nurse Extern! And I LOVE the ED! I've participated in a code, gotten to go to the cath lab, performed every skill (successfully, I might add) that I wanted to do all year in clinical, and been welcomed in by the staff. It's going to be a great summer.

Here are some things I've learned so far:
1. Night shift sort of sucks. But night shift staff is beyond awesome. It's hard to be on an opposite schedule as the rest of the world, especially when I have things to do and can't sleep, or have to sleep and can't do things. The 3:30-4:30 hour is the hardest. With that said, the staff has been awesome. I have been able to learn from all of them, and one nurse promptly told me that "you're here to learn, and whatever we can have you do to help you learn, we'll do it." He then threw me into the middle of a code and let me follow the guy up to the cath lab a few hours later. He wasn't kidding about that whole learning experience.

2. Skills aren't that scary, once you've done them. I haven't gotten the chance to do any skills all through a year of clinical. That changed in two nights. IVs aren't bad at all, NG tubes aren't scary, and foleys are a piece of cake. I vote for never having clinicals...just let the students hang in the ED for a day or two.

3. Time management is still key. I'm getting better at it, but it will still take some time. No pun intended.

4. I love this externship.

More to come later!

Nervous

I start my externship tomorrow. And I'm nervous beyond belief. Sometimes, when I get really nervous, I get a little nauseous because my stomach is doing flip-flops. Right now, my stomach is doing flip-flops. I don't like that feeling. I will be buying Ginger Ale tomorrow, for sure. The last thing I need on my first shift is excitable bowels. Let's be real.

I'm also very excited to start this shindig. I'm going to learn a lot, and quickly. In fact, I just found out today that I will be starting in Trauma which is super exciting. I feel sort of bad wishing for a busy night, because my busy fun night is someone else's tragedy. So I've compromised with myself: Let's hope for a busy fun night where everyone looks banged up and bloody, but no one is permanently injured.

This is also the first time I've ever forced myself to stay up in anticipation of an all-nighter. I'll be working nights all summer, and I'm trying to stay up tonight so I can sleep all day tomorrow. It's a weird feeling. Fortunately, my favorite TV shows rerun at 2 and 3 am and I have thick curtains to keep out the sun.

On that note, I'm out...I think I have Sprite buried deep in the pantry, and now seems like a great time to break it out. I'll drink to under-eye bags and a lack of tan for the rest of the summer!


edit: My roommate showed me this FANTASTIC video. Again, YouTube to save the day (night?)!

When we left Earth

My childhood dream was to be an astronaut. I loved stargazing and pretending to walk on the moon. I even joined a NASA club. There is something about the vast emptiness that somehow holds so much, the ever expanding but expanding into nothing, and the furiously hot but bitterly cold. I felt so drawn to space. I wanted to be a part of it so bad. Then I grew up...

...and I admit that I still, deep down, want to be an astronaut. Alas, many things are working against this particular life goal: I dropped my physics major and can no longer build my own spaceship. I am not rich, and thus can't buy my way into space. I have morals, and so can't sleep my way up the NASA command to ensure a spot on a future mission. I'm also beginning a career which has not a dang thing to do with space.

Sigh. I wish I could be an astronaut. But I can't. But I can watch When we left Earth: The NASA Missions, Sundays at 9pm ET on Discovery Channel. And I can live vicariously through it, and dream of maybe someday leaving Earth and visiting that final frontier.

I'm a nerd, and I know it. Roll with it.

un-productivity

I have been incredibly lazy the past couple of weeks. And I love it. After a grueling semester, it's nice to be able to sit back and relax.

I'm not a total slacker though; I have gotten off the couch for a few occasions. An old college roommate got married last weekend and I attended their super fun wedding, my wisdom teeth got yanked, I moved into a new apartment, my brother graduated high school, and I got a chance to meet ArtillerywifeCQ's husband who is home from Iraq. Head on over to her blog and send some good thoughts her way, as he has been gone a long time serving our country.

Another set of friends, Nick and Kaley, are getting married in a few short weeks. I lived with her for three years, and she is one of my best friends. Nick is also a great guy - I'm forever indebted to him for helping christen me "Sloshy Larry." Thanks, Nick. Anyway, I'm so excited for their wedding. So excited, in fact, that I am going home this weekend to tie endless bows and make things and wrap things and do things wedding-related. No really though, I can't wait - they've been dating FOREVER and it's about time they got married!

All of these updates help bring me to my main point: I start my internship next week (which ends my three weeks of unproductivity), and I'm sort of terrified. I'm super excited to work in the ED, and I have a fantastic preceptor...but I guess it's just becoming very real now. In one week, I'll be learning how to be a real nurse. It won't be the cakewalk that was clinical, that's for sure. I'm relatively confident that I'll be a good intern, but there is still the pervasive thought of "what am I doing!" that I can't get out of my head.

I guess I'm just anxious about taking that first big step into my career. This won't be easy, and I'm going to have to work hard not to get overwhelmed. By the grace of God, I'll get through this - and hopefully learn what it is to be a nurse while I'm at it!