Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm sitting on Baltic with crap...

So you come in on a backboard and c-collar, swearing with words that would make a sailor blush. You're pissed off, I understand. Why should we bring you in the ER, when you only caused a nice little accident? After all, it's only a major scene. You're right, it was silly for us to bring you in, and it was even sillier for that state police officer to come with you.

Sheesh, only four cars were involved. Your accident only caused six trauma patients; that's a measly little number. And anyway, you've got no license, were driving a stolen car, texting before the accident, and didn't hesitate to cuss out the first person on the scene. Who also happened to be a cop.

Not surprisingly, you're also now under arrest. I understand; you're a little upset. But really, does that make it necessary to throw your c-collar across the room at the very cop who was so nice as to escort you in? I understand that you also are now having chest pain, but please don't be so dramatic.

Please don't do that do us. We're only trying to make sure you don't die in our trauma room, though I think that unlikely due to the decibel level of your histrionics. Really. And oh! Look at that! The labwork and scans are negative. Well, except for the >5000 cocaine and >1000 cannabinoids in your pee pee. But don't you worry about that.

And also, please don't pass go. Don't collect $200. Don't do any of that.

Do please, however, go directly to jail.


Jamie Lynn said...

hahaha this post made me crack up. and im super sorry i missed girls night i miss you and your funny work stories

Nick said...

There are no words that could make a sailor blush, trust me.

shrtstormtrooper said...

I'm glad that of the whole story, that's the part you focused on. Can't wait to see you guys next week!

brokeshopaholic said...

I see that the same good ole stuff happens in other ERs, in our big and small towns, all over North America... I left to work ICU for palliative, but I do need my ER fix once in awhile... love the stories! thanks