Home

I had my first shift back at Home Hospital last night. Honestly? It's like I never left. I'm still a shit magnet, staffing still sucks, it's still crazy busy all night long, and I didn't eat or pee for 12 hours. Ah, to be home.

For real though. It was absolutely nuts last night. I was in triage for the first six hours, and had to navigate both a new triage process (it's awful) and a new EMR system (right now it's awful but I think it'll be okay eventually). I had kind of forgotten the extent of this patient population's ridiculousness, but was quickly reminded when I had a lady berate me in the middle of the lobby because she "broke" her leg and I wasn't helping fast enough.

Actually, the conversation went a little like this:
Lady: Bitch I need some help in herrrr! I broked mah leg!
Me: Okay, let's get you registered so I can help you.
Lady: No bitch! I need help now!
Me: You can let me help you by getting registered and coming to this triage room with me.
Lady: I ain't leaving dis spot until you fix my leg!
Me: Okay. You wait here until you decide you want to let us help you. I'm going to be over here assisting the rest of this triage line.

I'm leaving out the part where she peed in the wheelchair, apologized for peeing in the wheelchair, announced that she was "hella drunk" and then blamed me for not providing a wheelchair with a built-in bedpan. Twas a good time.

And then, after six hours of triage madness, I went back to the core and promptly received a Priority 1 pedestrian struck on the highway. Complete with +etoh, multiple ortho injuries, and propofol goodness. Ah yes, it's like I never left.