No really, wait for it...

Shrtstormtrooper: So what brings you in to us tonight?
Patient: I think I have an exploding head. Can I have vicodin?

Ah, Exploding Head Syndrome. Thanks, MSNBC, for widely publicizing this. I can already see the triage notes forming...

Wait for it...

What I enjoy most about the ER is that we can fix people in one visit. True, many people abuse the system and we have to sort through the junk to find a satisfying end to some cases, but there are plenty of other cases where the person comes in not right and we can fix them up in a short time.

Like fixing a broken bone, for example. Your tibia is in two pieces, which is one piece more than it should be. You hurt. It's not fun. But then we give you pain meds and do a conscious sedation, you murmur a few choice words, then wake up and wonder why we're all giggling and hey! your leg doesn't hurt anymore. So far in my career, these sorts of things have been my favorite.

Until today.

I can now say with certainty that my new favorite is treating SVT with adenosine. It's just so...rewarding! There's nothing like it!

I mean seriously, it's one of those things where the new patient complaints of his heart racing, you hook the nice guy to the monitor, your eyes get really big, every alarm in the place goes off, and six people come trooping into the room immediately. He's racing away at 220 bpm, you put the pacer pads on to ward off bad spirits (or to shock the hell out of him later), call for a doctor, start big honking IVs, send someone for the adenosine, draw it up, and warn the guy it's going to be a bit of a weird feeling.

Then you slam it in. Eyes go from the IV to the monitor.

And ba-BAM! Flatline. You wait. And wait. And oh dear God is it EVER going to start up agai-whew. There is it. Success, in 15 seconds flat.


I love my job.

Toyota

I'm typing this from my new Toyota Keyboaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

***
Wish I could take credit for this, but it belongs to Joe Peacock. Read his stuff.

...and a purpose for living

Recently, the last US Veteran of WWI turned 109. While speaking to the Senate, Cpl. Frank Buckles of Charles Town, WV talked a little about the responsibility he feels and how he has been able to make it to his age. "The important thing is the desire to live, and a purpose for living," Cpl. Buckles said.

If everyone had the same view, I wonder what our country would look like?

Thoughts

If a tree is four-point restrained in the forest, and no one is around to see it...is it really in four point restraints?

Snow snorkeling

So my mom sent this picture to me, and I can only imagine the facepalming that went on when this patient came to the ER for hypothermia...

Fishing

I really, really love Deadliest Catch on Discovery. Captain Phil is one of my favorites. He passed away yesterday.



You'll be missed, Phil.

Decisions

Listen up, buddy. You're the one who decided 0400 in a blizzard was a dandy time to call an ambulance. You're the one who told EMS you have flank pain and have a history of kidney stones. You're the one who told us that you actually ran out of your dilaudid prescription for chronic kidney pain.

You, my friend, are the one who kindly wailed in pain so loudly registration couldn't get anything more than your name and social. You are the one who insisted you have awful awful stones and need something now for the pain. You're the one who told us you have an allergy to toradol and morphine and IV contrast dye.

You're the one who decided to lie about your frequent visits to the ER and try to convince us this is your first time here. You, bucko, are the one who then yelled at us. Not a normal, mundane "you all are awful horrible people and suck at life and have no sympathy and I wish Bad Things upon you" sort of yelling. No, sir, you took it up a level.

You are the one who decided to, and I quote, "beat the shit out of every one of you if you don't give me dilaudid now!"

We are the ones who decided to bodily throw you out of the ER and into the custody of the police.

Vicks Vapor Rub can kiss my big black ass

I've been pretty congested lately. I only wish I had Colt 45D to clear me up, so I wasn't coughing up all kind of s**t and generally feeling sick as a damn dog.



Colt 45D. It ain't just for black folks anymore.

Broke

Patient: I can't afford that prescription, you need to give it to me here.

Shrtstormtrooper: It's on the $4 plan at Walmart.

Patient: But I spent all my money on blow!


I'd say that's a case of poor planning...