Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Easiest workup ever.

Alright, twenty-something girl who came in for the 12th visit this month for abdominal pain and vomicking...you came to the ER and said you can't stop throwing up and the pain is 20/10 and you don't know when your LMP was. The doc wants bloodwork. You want pain meds. I just want to throw in this IV and be done with it so I can go give the OR report on my other (legitimately) sick patient.

Pulling the blanket over your head isn't going to impress me.  Crying big fat crocodile tears because you hate needles, while your boyfriend holds your hand and pats your head won't make me like you any more. Shaking yourself back and forth violently isn't going to make me sympathize with you. Demanding pain meds first because "that IV hurts!" won't work with me. You're a grown ass woman and I'm sick as a damn dog right now with a head cold so I certainly don't have time for your bullshit. The doctor doesn't have time for that. Ain't nobody got time for that.

What I will do is stare dispassionately while you blubber until you peek out of your blanket fortress to see if I'm still there and fawning over you. I'll warn you once that since you came for a workup, you're going to get a workup. And when you continue to play the drama queen, I'll gather up my supplies, tell you to come get me when you're ready for the IV, and walk out of the room. I won't be checking in on you periodically either. If you would like to refuse all care, the doc will have your discharge paperwork ready and you can leave in a hot second.

Because really. That drama is not welcome here.

Apparently you realized that, because when I looked back up the room was empty and you peaced out. Discharged as elopement means way less work for me - and way less drama in general, which I'm sure everyone appreciates.

1 comment:

hoodnurse said...

Awesome! My pod partner had one just like this last night that kept demanding pain meds when anyone walked by and then got all butthurt and stormed out when a sicker patient came in and her dramz were placed on the back burner. Never understood the nurses that chase these assholes. I'm all k bye now!