Friday, October 16, 2015


Today is the end of my 4 week long lifting restriction, and to celebrate the occasion, I got a new job! I just took a new travel assignment in a gigantic ER in central Texas which should be a real good time. I'm looking forward to working in a busy ER again so I will have plenty of ridiculous stories to share, starting in November.

In the meantime, enjoy this story from ye olde days at Home Hospital:

I swear I was on candid camera this last shift. Except it wasn't funny, it was infuriating. And no one yelled "you're on candid camera!" at the end. Also the guy smelled weird. Like bacon. Which usually smells great, but not when it's coming from a person.

Anyway, I could do nothing right. He's a cardiac work up, so I tried to put the leads on and he wouldn't let me. But he let the nurse next to me put them on.

He felt mildly short of breath. I tried to put the O2 cannula on and he refused. But he let the doctor put one on his face.

I asked the dude if the nitro had resolved his chest pain. He told me yes. But five minutes later the doc asks if the nitro resolved his pain, and he goes, "uh no, and I don't know why the nurse didn't tell you that I still hurt."

The doc then offers morphine which the patient accepts. I remember that the patient had listed morphine as an allergy, so I tell the doc to hold the order while I ask the patient again. But the guy says, "well yeah I told you that but I'm not really allergic to it."

To top it all off, I'm in the room getting everything together for admission to the cardiac floor and overhearing the patients' conversation with a family member. Included was the phrase, "this nurse has been the worst. She hasn't listened to anything I've said the whole time here! I'm never coming back to this hospital."

Le sigh. I can't win.


Aesop said...

Some patient's motto is "I'm not happy until you're not happy."
My response is "Lalala-I-can't-heeeeeeeeear-you!"

And the only two places on the face of the planet where history changes is at the courthouse, and inside the emergency room.

I've done letter perfect assessments on patients, gathered all their answers to pertinent questions, told the docs, and then gone in and listened to them contradict themselves 2 minutes later on every effing point when the MD asks the exact same questions.

Like somehow doctors and nurses don't compare patients' answers or anything, so they think no one will notice this little discrepancy.

I just tell them after those little games that I don't believe anything else they tell me, and they've blown the only currency they have, which is credibility, so good luck convincing me of anything else for the rest of their visit.

"My pain is 10/10."
No, it's not.
"I have to pee right now."
No, you don't.

Not so funny now, is it, Cupcake? And say, didja ever hear the story about "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?

Act like a normal human, get treated like one.
Act like a total jackwagon, get treated like one.

Anonymous said...

It is hard to accept that a lot of our patients are assholes