Outpatient

So it's a slamming night. Like, five hour back up, cabulances coming from all corners of the city, and serious amounts of real sick people in hall beds. I'm sitting in the triage window, as it's my night to be the bitch in the box. A youngish guy comes in, and hands me a scrip for an outpatient blood draw order. He haughtily tell me "I just need you to draw this real quick for me." I explain that he has to sign in as an ER patient in order to be seen...and clearly this is unacceptable to him. "But all I need is bloodwork, lady. Do it here, because I'm not going to sit here in the waiting room," he says.

Oh no he didn't. Outwardly I'm neutral, but inside I'm quickly reaching boiling point.

He got supremely annoyed as I politely explained that he can't just jump the line and have me draw blood at the triage window because it's convenient for him. Finally he gets belligerent and snaps at me. I usually bite my tongue and try to be relatively polite back. But not tonight.

"Sir," I said, "this is the Emergency Room. Every single person that comes in does so because they feel they have an emergency or 'just need to be checked out real quick.' You have a nonemergent order for a nonemergent outpatient blood draw. If you 'just wanted it done real quick' you should have gone to outpatient, like instructed, during outpatient hours. Instead you came to the ER at 11:30 pm and everyone who got here before you 'just' needs to be seen too. They've all been waiting for hours and your nonemergent blood draw order won't bump you in front of any of them. So you can either sign in, take a seat and get comfortable, and we will draw your blood when it's your turn or you can 'just' leave and go to outpatient when it opens at 8am. Your choice. I'll let you ponder it while I'm triaging this gentleman behind you who can't breathe."

It felt so good.

May 28 2012

As I'm putting an IV into an elderly gentleman and drawing blood, I'm making small talk with him. I switch from the vacutainer to the luer lock and flush, and a bit of blood dribbles out before I can attach it. A few drops drip onto his hospital gown. "I'm sorry about that," I say.

"It's okay, it's just a little blood," he replies, "nothing I haven't seen before."

"Were you in the medical field?" I ask, curiously.

"Oh no," he says. "I was at Omaha Beach."

***
All I could say to him was thank you. Our worst day in the ER is nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what those who fight have seen.



***
Originally posted March 28 2010. Worthy of posting every day. Thank you, to all those who give me my freedom.

Friends

When I came back into triage (aka Triagedy, because it's a sad place to be sometimes) one of my favorite coworkers was sitting in my chair. We chatted for a few minutes then I kicked him out of my seat when a patient came in to be seen. A few hours later, I noticed a little icon on my computer screen titled "For Shrtstormtrooper." I opened it up, and started giggling. I think the line of patients assumed I was laughing at them, but I was really laughing at this:

Full circle?

After making some random snarky comment about the sheer stupidity of a situation, one of my coworkers today told me this: "Girl you really need to start a blog and write that shit down."

If you only knew, dear sweet coworker.

Anyway, I owe it all to Nurse K for the inspiration!

Tesla

Basically, Nikola Tesla is a lot genius and a lot crazy. Which equals badass. Seriously.

Why Nikola Tesla was the greatest geek who ever lived, by The Oatmeal.

Also David Bowie played him in a movie which solidifies his awesomeness.

And there's this:

Interesting

Usually I'm quick enough to get in the patients' room before the doctor, but there is one doc who is super quick. He's also my favorite doc and is known for laying the verbal smackdown on those out of control, but that's a story for another day.

Today, I went in to see the patient and he was right behind me, so we tag teamed on the HPI.

Patient: Well you see, I almost passed out. It's because my bf and I were having sex, and all of a sudden I felt real lightheaded and tingly, more than I usually do.

Um, ok. Doc and I look at each other and try not to laugh.

Doc: Well hyperventilation can cause that...if you were just breathing hard it could be that this time you got a little lightheaded.

Patient: Oh no doc, we have sex all the time, and this time I just felt woozy.

At this point it became a race as to who could gracefully exit the room first.

...I won, for the record.

Whew

Shrtstormtrooper RN, BSN, CEN.

It's only three new letters, but it sure does mean a lot to me! Also, I'm glad that's over. Nobody likes to voluntarily feel as if a Mack truck is repeatedly backing over you...

Guess where I'm not

It's Saturday night. Cinco de Mayo. Spring Day here in town. It's a full moon - nay, a Supermoon! - and I am...NOT at work! Bahahah not at work! The Scheduling Gods have smiled upon me this month, and I am thankful.

Once again...not at work. Suckahs!

Beards

So this one time I went to Napa and discovered it likes beards as much as I do...really, everyone should love beards. They are awesome.

Here's 10 very good reasons why you should grow a giant beard if you're a dude.

Hair

May the Fourth be with you!

Yeah that's right, happy Star Wars Day. You know you love it. But I digress...

***

I don't know about this new hair color, people. I've been blonde pretty much my whole life...minus an unfortunate incident in high school where I decided to go super-blonde with a self dye kit and tragically ended up with yellow hair, then the subsequent "oh god please fix this" moment at the hairdresser the next week which culminated in black hair. For the whole summer. Epically not awesome, for reals.

So here I am, bumping along through my semi-adult life, when I have a minor crisis and decide I absolutely must change my hair color. I went to a real honest to god hair stylist around Christmas, and did the ultimate: I gave her permission to dye my hair any color she chose. Seriously. I gave her free reign, and I walked out an hour later as a ginger. Like legit red hair. The argument could be made that it was auburn, but let's keep it real. The hair was red. Happy holidays, everyone. I do love Christmas.

Fast forward to work, and everyone loved it even though I wasn't convinced. I had patients complementing me on my "such natural pretty red hair" which I had to tell them was fake, and co-workers telling me it brought out my eyes, and another triage nurse telling me I can now be the "bitch in the box," just like her - the name for the nights her red-haired self is out in triage.

I kept dyeing my hair red, because after a few days it really grew on me and I kind of like it a lot now. But let me tell you, I'm convinced the red dye has magical powers that make people go all swoony inside and start gestating unicorns or kittens or something. Dr. D. Bag, who is quite possibly the biggest asshole I've ever met, was walking past the charge desk pissed off at the world (as usual). He stops, backs up, and then tells me that he likes the hair color change very much and has been meaning to tell me that it makes my eyes pop - and then wanders away.

Everyone in earshot had to scrape their jaws off the floor, because Dr. Bag might have just shown the first proof that he is not, in fact, a horrible human being with no soul or emotion. Red Hair. Magical unicorn happy sauce and possible cure for douchebagitis, I'm telling you.

Privacy

I had a sweet elderly lady in for the usual workup. I was getting her onto the bedpan and while her daughter stayed in the room the son stepped out to let us work. She was on the pan, and making small talk - and was the funniest patient I've had in a while. She had me laughing so hard; I don't know if you've ever been in the same situation, but hysterically laughing while someone is trying to take a pee can be kind of awkward.

The son knocks on the door and starts to open it, and I call out "just a minute more!" The door keeps opening slowly, and the patient blurts out "He can't come in! This is the way he came out!! Not okay!!"

I thought I was laughing fool before, but I was a hot mess after that gem.