Things to laugh about

I miss Travel Hospital #1. There isn't anything outright wrong with #2, but it's just not nearly as warm and welcoming as #1. So I present to you a throwback story in honor of all the staff I miss there.

Conversation one night, which had me almost peeing my pants from laughing. I'm serious, there was full on acting-out of the scenarios:

Tech to Fun Doc: Man, you were really fancy with that pelvic exam. Like all Penn and Teller-ish, waving your hands and explaining everything.

Fun Doc: It's like a magic show up in there! And now you see my hands...and here's the exam...and my hands again! But ah-ha! Where did my watch go?!

Me: What would be really fun is if you can do speed exams. Bonus points if you manage to retrieve the watch from a different patient.

Tech: I'll time it! We can just line the patients up, knock out the whole night's worth of exams in 87 seconds! Style points for the magic-hands flair.

Fun Doc: World Championship of Magic Speed Pelvic Exams! There's got to be a Guinness Book of World Records category somewhere for that!


Sigh. I miss those crazy cats.

Oops

I've noticed that I've gotten kind of snarky on this blog. I mean, I was snarky before but I realized after reading back through some posts that I sort of write about things like I'm an absolute BAMF in the ER.

Rest assured, dear readers...I'm not. Proof of my unBAMFness: I usually carry the ER phone in my back pocket. This morning, I went to have a pee while at work and totes dropped the phone in the toilet. Before you freak, it was a pre-void drop into clean water. But still. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I spent my lunch break in the bathroom by the automatic hand dryer airing that phone out. I also cleaned it extra well with the bleach wipes.

It still works, by the way. No harm, no foul. Except that the nurse I gave report to has no idea she's using a loo-phone this shift...but nah, still not going to tell anyone. She'll survive.

Poor choices

I have that Fall Risk sign on the patient's doorway for a reason. I also have their little neon orange footie Fall Risk socks on for a reason too. And that bright orange bracelet on their wrist? For a reason. The CVA-alert overhead page might also have clued you in that this patient is a fall risk, or maybe the little note in the radiology order that says "CT Head - R sided weakness" could do the trick.

So don't call me up and bitch me out when you make my rule-out CVA patient walk from the CT table back to their stretcher and then have to fill out an incident report because they DFO'd on the floor by the scanner. Telling me "but you didn't tell me they couldn't walk!" isn't a valid excuse, B-T-Dubs.

It's probably good that you got that CT first though. At least you can prove the big giant head bleed on the scan didn't come from you.

Easiest workup ever.

Alright, twenty-something girl who came in for the 12th visit this month for abdominal pain and vomicking...you came to the ER and said you can't stop throwing up and the pain is 20/10 and you don't know when your LMP was. The doc wants bloodwork. You want pain meds. I just want to throw in this IV and be done with it so I can go give the OR report on my other (legitimately) sick patient.

Pulling the blanket over your head isn't going to impress me.  Crying big fat crocodile tears because you hate needles, while your boyfriend holds your hand and pats your head won't make me like you any more. Shaking yourself back and forth violently isn't going to make me sympathize with you. Demanding pain meds first because "that IV hurts!" won't work with me. You're a grown ass woman and I'm sick as a damn dog right now with a head cold so I certainly don't have time for your bullshit. The doctor doesn't have time for that. Ain't nobody got time for that.

What I will do is stare dispassionately while you blubber until you peek out of your blanket fortress to see if I'm still there and fawning over you. I'll warn you once that since you came for a workup, you're going to get a workup. And when you continue to play the drama queen, I'll gather up my supplies, tell you to come get me when you're ready for the IV, and walk out of the room. I won't be checking in on you periodically either. If you would like to refuse all care, the doc will have your discharge paperwork ready and you can leave in a hot second.

Because really. That drama is not welcome here.

Apparently you realized that, because when I looked back up the room was empty and you peaced out. Discharged as elopement means way less work for me - and way less drama in general, which I'm sure everyone appreciates.

Got the interwebz again, what what!

Oh man. Two full weeks without internet has made me realize how absurdly addicted I am to the web. I did have a smartphone, but that merely served to keep the DTs away. So with that in mind...blog time!

I'm all settled at my new apartment and somewhat settled at my new job, but it's been a tough time so far. I expected it was going to be hard to pack up and leave Travel Hospital #1 after making new friends, but I had no idea just how difficult it would be in reality. I left New England after a post-shift breakfast with the Team...and cried all the way through three states. I made genuine, lifelong friends at that hospital which is something I never expected to do. I thought I would show up, work for three months, see some sights, and then peace out. Of course, I did all that, but it was the friendships I made there which caused the placement to be so enjoyable. With these friends I went out for nights on the town, explored various tourist attractions and went to wineries, parks, and local events. It was a bonus that work itself was so fun; I truly enjoyed the work environment as well. So it was extremely hard to pack up and leave, knowing that there is a chance I won't see some of these people again. I have every intention of coming back sometime, whether for another placement or just for a week to say hi, but it's still difficult to say goodbye - after all, this is the group of people that stole me a road cone as a parting gift.

Travel Hospital #2 is, thus far, not up to the level of #1. It's bigger, shinier, and newer - but the people are colder and less personable. I've only just completed my orientation and first week of solo shifts so it's still too early to pass permanent judgement. I'm hoping I'll make some friends here at work, but so far there haven't been any connections with people. I have met some people outside of the hospital though, courtesy of a friend from home having friends in Texas who have friends that go out and are willing to adopt a weird nerdy girl who is new in town. I'm also getting out to explore the town, which has been a good time.

Overall I'm excited - if I'm fair, I can remember back to the first two or three weeks in New England and know that I was still ordering takeout because I didn't have any friends yet. So there is hope for me yet here! I'm pumped to learn the town and hospital, because let's be real - this is an adventure! Hospital related blogging shall recommence soon...

Beards

I do so love the beards. And I'm encouraged by the quality facesweaters I've seen thus far in Texas.

Texas problems

Guy at the housing office: Yeah, your heat probably hasn't been turned on yet this year. When you do turn it on, make sure you open up all the windows because your fire alarm will go off.

Me: ?

Guy: You must not be from around here. All the dust collects in the heating system and burns up when you first turn it on. Usually sets off the fire alarm. Air it out!

Well, that seems safe. Thanks for the heads up.

I'm sure there will be many differences, but this was an unanticipated one.