Sexy?

Things that are not sexy:
1. Drunken facebook pictures featuring people sloshing through drink after drink and inevitably sloshing into some toilet.
2. Britney Spears mid-headshaving.
3. Tony Romo's s**t-eating grin each time he throws for ridiculous amounts of passing yards and TDs during a Cowboys game.
4. Diarrhea.

Let me expound on number four. I probably should have listed it under number two, but whatever. It goes without saying though that diarrhea is perhaps the most unsexy thing ever. I don't care if Brad Pitt is standing at my front door with a dozen roses and massage oil for me...if he's got the runs and needs to bolt for my bathroom, it's not sexy. Now I might make an exception for someone like Hugh Jackman, but only if he is straight from the set of X-Men and only if he leaves the bathroom fan on. But I digress.

Diarrhea is one of the illnesses that cause more than 90% of deaths worldwide from infectious diseases. That sucks. We were discussing this in my community heath nursing class, and it's really sad how so many of these deaths can be prevented if only people care enough to focus on them. Not that I'm unhappy for the funding that diseases like HIV/AIDS, Malaria, and TB get, but there are plenty of others that need just as much funding yet don't get it.

This gets tied in, I swear. Our uber classy teacher who is amazingly well versed in global health and one of the most articulate professors I've ever had explained the funding disparity this way: "These aren't sexy enough for donors. Who wants to fund diarrhea?" How right she is. And as I'm snickering at the word "sexy" coming from her mouth while feeling bad for laughing during such a depressing lecture, she follows up with this gem: "Maybe the diaper companies will!" Ah, I love this professor.


Things that ARE sexy:
1. Getting into Sigma Theta Tau, the nursing honor society! HELL YES! I have worked my butt off this past year, and it feels so good to have this accomplishment. I love nursing!
2. Seeing Tony Romo's s**t-eating grin fall off his face (faster than an intestinal disease diarrheal-induced bathroom trip, I might add) after the Cowboys got their asses kicked by the Redskins this weekend. GO SKINS!
3. Hugh Jackman.




Yum!

Signed, Sealed & Delivered!

So it's only week 4 of the semester and I'm ready to be done. I've been stressed, I cried in class one day (don't worry, it was only a few tears and bit of snot), I've gone through an entire ink cartridge, and I got a nasty case of nausea for 3 days straight.

I've been trying not to whine and complain too much, because no one wants to hear it and it wouldn't change things anyway. But we had a test today, and it was all I could do to not go up and punch the prof in the face.

A third grader could have written a better test. I'm all for challenging tests, and I don't think we should get off easy when our profession doesn't let people off easy. This test, however, was a piece o' crap. Vaguely worded questions, questions with four right answers, questions with no right answers, and questions about statistics from the 1800's. Seriously, I could have blended my notes with some ice and flavoring into a tall smoothie, and crapped out a more cohesive exam.

Speaking of crap, the notebooks we have to put together for clinical are just busy work. And oh yes, we were given no guidelines on how to put them together. So when some students got theirs back today, rife with snarky comments, I think my friend KL (a fellow Fundus Chop! joke instigator) said it best:

I think we should just fart in our notebooks and hand them in. "Here you go, stamped with the Fart Seal of Approval."

Sign me up, KL. Sign me up.

FC, RN (?)

Oh my sweet mother, it has happened. The best quote EVER in the entire universe happened tonight.

Fundus Chop, while discussing the prevalence of HIV/AIDS in jails during a post-conference, said this gem: "I've never even been in a jail, let alone had intercourse with one of the inmates."

Pants-sh***ing ensued by all in earshot.


Although p.s., I may have to not be as harsh on FC anymore because besides the aforementioned foot in mouth moment, he was actually kind of full of decent conversation today. Interesting.

I like to check and see if this event (horizon) has happened yet...

Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the world yet?

LHC

You all remember an earlier post of mine about black holes, new particles, and possible world annihilation? Well today the Large Hadron Collider was fired up at CERN, and I'm typing this blog to you now. We all survived! Hooray!

Unfortunately, we all have another month or so before the proton beams make it to 99.99% of the speed of light, so there is still time for this to end in catastrophe. If a violent end to the world is the way this goes, I'm going to ask God why Switzerland, the most apathetically wussy of all countries, is the country that managed to pull this off. Not only did they manage to pull this off, but they even got France involved by running part of the tunnels into the French countryside. Seriously, if Switzerland is apathetic, France is just pathetic. Ah, my town can't even fill potholes correctly, but the country of pocketknives and chocolate can partner with the country of military humiliation to bring about the ending every sci-fi writer has imagined.


At any rate, another month of world survival couldn't possibly be enough time to create another musical gem like this. Check out the particle physics rap. Painfully awesome.



Again, I stole this from Movin' Meat. I should probaby start paying royalties or something.

These aren't the droids we're looking for...

I straight up stole this from Movin' Meat, and I'm not even sorry about it!

Man, I love Star Wars.
And Robot Chicken.

And Scrubs.

Time I don't have to waste

Ah, frick. I swore that I would never be addicted to another television show (well, besides Scrubs, Sportscenter, The Daily Show, and South Park) but I lied.

I sat down with my computer to do some schoolwork, and thought it would be a good idea to turn the tv on a veg a little while typing. I am now pretty positive that was a mistake. Because I happened to catch the premier of the new Fox show Fringe, and I'm hooked. There wasn't anything funny about it, no animation, no Jon Stewart, and no brutal sports hits. There was an abundance of cheesy spooky music, cut away shots, and sci-fi gore. There were a lot of not-so-well delivered lines by not-so-popular-anymore actor Joshua Jackson, and extremely well delivered lines by actor John Noble (of LotR Denethor fame). People melted, hands got smashed, cows walked through Harvard, and the unthinkable happened:

I'm hooked.

Double frick.

.....................
Also of interest is the show following Fringe, one that I am having trouble turning off. It's called Hole in the Wall, and the object of the game show is to fit people through a giant moving wall with a hole in it. Classy.

Get me a box of kittens, stat!

Best Scrubs quote. Ever:

Side effects to kittens include sneezing, tiny scratches, and erectile dysfunction.



That's all.

Blam!

If I were to play the lottery, I think I would play it today. Today was a great day in terms of potential money-making and I'm seriously considering a powerball ticket right now. If I stop posting after this, it's because I won and am now living internet-less in Tahiti. I'll have my pool boy relay the phone message if you need me.

Why, you ask, is my day looking up? It's because I just had the wonderful experience of being hired on the spot at the hospital. I completed an externship there this summer which probably gave me a bit of an edge, but whatever. I poked my head into the ED managers office to talk, and he asked me a couple of questions about where I wanted to work after graduation and all that jazz. He then proceeded to call the hiring lady and leave her a message about my externship, how I want to work at the hospital long term, and how they liked me in the ED this summer - and that HR should give me a call back and let me know when to come in for orientation.

I have a feeling I'll be uberstressed this semester from all the busy work we have to do, but at least this is the end and I'll have a job after graduation. And I'll get to pay rent without needing a street corner to help me out. And I'll get to work in a job I love.

Man, life is sweet.





Also, when I searched for a powerball picture, I found one I liked and went to copy it. This is what I got:

Man, I love my new computer. Three cheers for screen capture!

Here lies summer...

Eehg. I have quite a few least-favorite days of the year. Going to the gyn or the dentist are way high on that list, as is any day rent is due or I have to pay my credit card bill. Today, while seemingly filled with good times - beach & a little cookout - is definitely solidly in the least favorite category.

Today happens to be my last day of freedom before another semester starts. Granted, this is my last semester, but that doesn't make starting it any more exciting.

I'm not at all thrilled to be back in the grips of clinical, care plans, exams, and MedsPub. I'm actually dreading it. I'm also trying really hard to make this post witty, but thinking about the coming drudgery of nursing school has sucked my humor dry. Sorry.

So with this in mind, forgive me if posts for the next few months lack anything funny. It's hard to get excited for classes you don't want to take...


...OKAY so I went downstairs and got a drink and as I was walking back up, this one glorious, shining thought occured to me; a thought that made my heart glad and almost makes going to class tomorrow exciting:

I'll see Fundus Chop! again, and will have tons of new material to share. Surely he didn't make it through the summer without some sort of catastrophe or forgetting-to-shower experience! I will be sure to pass those stories on to you, dear reader.